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Necessary Disclaimer: The characters described below belong to Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen productions. I really don't have any business using them for my own private amusement but I understand that since I'm not making any money at it, I'm not actually breaking any major laws.

Unnecessary Disclaimers and Apologies: I'd like to apologize to D. W. Dingus for the unauthorized mention of their products. At least, I assume they offer a cowboy suit. I wouldn't know personally, of course. 

And, for those of you expecting an actual story from this, I'm sorry. This is hardly more than a vignette. Just two guys waking up and having sex. I know you'll all be massively disappointed by the serious lack of plot. 

Gratitude and Response: Thanks to Lynnzo for reading this one and to Christy for beta-reading it for me. Naturally, they're not responsible for anything you don't like.

Author: AnneZo at annezo @ fastmail . fm

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A LITTLE ADVENTURE

 

Walter woke up to the familiar feel of Mulder's hand moving across his body. Mulder kissed him briefly, then slid down to face the rapidly hardening erection. Walter stretched luxuriously and waited for the touch of his lover's mouth. "Is this my present?" 

"It might be," Mulder answered slyly. 

"You couldn't just buy me a tie, like anyone else?" 

"Mmm . . . Try to be cheerful, Walter. It's your birthday. 

"I am cheerful. What the hell are you doing? What is that?" There was a peculiar and potentially unpleasant feeling around Walter's now firm erection. 

"Be patient. Do you open your presents Christmas Eve, too?" 

Walter waited, but without patience, as Mulder tugged what felt like a particularly restrictive condom onto his erection.

What the hell? he wondered suspiciously as something firm was placed around the sensitive head. Mulder sat up and Walter stared down at himself in stunned disbelief. Mulder looked at his handiwork with satisfaction, then looked from Walter's face to his erection. There was a muffled noise, then Mulder broke out laughing.

"I always wanted to date a cowboy," he gasped through his escalating hysterics. 

Walter made a grab for his erection and Mulder pushed his hand away and gasped, "Happy birthday." A second later he fell over on the bed, hooting and gasping for breath. 

Walter looked at him bitterly for a moment, then gave his erection a pained glance. From somewhere, Mulder had acquired a pair of leather chaps and a fringed vest, in the appropriate sizes. Walter's slowly wilting erection sported the miniature clothing and, to top it all off, so to speak, a miniature 10-gallon hat sat perkily on the crown. For a moment, he was so shocked he didn't even try to remove the offending decorations. 

Mulder regained his breath and looked at Walter. "Well? Do you like your present?" He glanced at his lover's face and collapsed into laughter again.  

Walter struggled to regain his dignity. At least, as much dignity as a man could have with a miniature Stetson hat perched jauntily on the head of his cock. "You are the sickest individual I have ever met." 

"What?" Mulder asked, gasping for breath. "You would have preferred to be a doctor? I considered it, but I thought the little stethoscope would be too cold." He stroked Walter's erection back into fullness. Walter made a futile attempt to ignore the practiced touch. 

He reached for himself again, and Mulder grabbed his hands. "First, tell me how much you appreciate your present." 

"Get that stuff off of me, Agent Mulder." 

"Uh-uh. No fair pulling rank in bed. Come on, Walter, admit it. It's cute, isn't it?" 

"Cute?" He hadn't thought it was possible to be even more insulted. Mulder fingered his cock and the organ swayed gently, making the hat rock precariously. Mulder's laughter, broke out again, as hysterically as before. When Mulder reached over to pat the unsteady garment back into place, Walter's paralysis broke.  

Flipping his gasping, giggling lover onto the floor, Walter started trying to discover how to remove the disfiguring decorations. The agent sprawled on the floor and gave himself over to his joke, making no attempt to muffle his roars of laughter. 

Walter, not without some difficulty, removed the offending bits of cloth, beginning with the obnoxious hat. The rest of the…clothing…took more thought, before he realized the two pieces had elastic backs. Tugging quickly, but very carefully, he pulled off the vest and the miniature chaps. He stared at the material laying in his hand in wonder.

How in god's name did Mulder find someone to make such a thing? And why? Although, the why was obvious by the noise from the floor where Mulder was panting for breath through his continued laughter. Walter glared down at the younger man. 

After all, he thought, it's my birthday.

Stepping off of the bed, he managed to lever Mulder almost to his feet, then pushed the weakly laughing man onto the bed. Rolling his lover over on to his back, Walter fended off the offered kiss and trapped Mulder's hips firmly between his thighs and stroked his cock firmly. The organ started to respond immediately. Before the other man figured out what was happening, Walter managed to get the miniature chaps onto Mulder's body and was pulling on the fringed vest. 

"Hey!" Mulder's laughter started dying, although his breathing was still erratic. He seemed to be having trouble framing a coherent sentences. 

Walter fished around in the bed and found the finishing touch -- the imitation Stetson hat. He placed it on the head of Mulder's almost-full erection and tapped it into place, with a bit more force than was necessary. 

"Hey!" Mulder's cry was louder this time. "What are you doing? Come on, Walter, take those things off. Where's your sense of humor?" 

"Right now, it's about 10 inches in front of my nose," Walter told him maliciously. He had to admit, now that his body wasn't the one being used as a fashion dummy, the sight of Mulder's cock in the...costume?...clothing?...well, whatever it was, it was quite a spectacle. 

He smirked, caught sight of Mulder's indignant face, and started laughing himself.  

"Oh, yeah," Mulder grumbled. "We all think it's funny when it's the other guy."

 Walter forestalled Mulder's abortive attempt to grab at the confining hat and watched Mulder's face. The agent stared, aghast, at his leather-clad cock. "OK," he said regretfully. "Maybe it wasn't funny." 

"Sure it was," Walter said cheerfully. He took another look at Mulder's disgruntled face and started laughing again. When Mulder struggled to free his hands, Walter pinned them under his knees and fished the handcuffs out of the bedside table. 

"Hands above your head," he ordered. 

"You must be kidding," Mulder said, appalled. 

"Nope," Walter said, still cheerful. "Get with it, Mulder, you know the rules." He shoved his lover's arms over his head. 

With obvious and unmistakable reluctance, Mulder allowed himself to be cuffed to the headboard. "These don't go with the cowboy motif," he pointed out hopefully. 

"Sure they do," Walter said maliciously. "I can be the U.S. Marshall and you can be the cattle rustler." 

"That's dumb," Mulder complained, trying to ignore his lover's fingers stroking his bare flesh around the leather ornaments. 

"Okay," Walter said. "You be the Marshall. He smiled at Mulder calmly. "Where would you like me to pin the badge?" 

The idea made Mulder shudder. "Never mind," he said weakly. When Walter bent down to kiss him, it took a couple of seconds for Mulder to demonstrate his usual enthusiasm for the idea. 

Walter caressed him with determination for a few minutes, then sat back to review the results. Mulder's cock, now fully erect, looked even more peculiar wearing the miniature garments. Walter had to admit, the more he looked at the outfit, the funnier it was. He mentioned the fact to his lover conversationally. 

"I think I'm getting used to it. It's still the funniest thing I've ever seen, though." 

"Thanks a million, Walter," the younger man said bitterly. "Just what every guy wants to hear during sex, that his penis is a joke." 

"Where, in the name of god, did you find this stuff?" 

"If I tell you, will you take it off of me?" 

"Nope," Walter said. "Where?" 

"I found them in a store last month when Scully and I were on a case," the agent admitted. "It was called D. W. Dingus," he added with enthusiasm. "You wouldn't believe some of the stuff they had!" 

Walter looked at him with disapproval. "If that's the way you spend your time when you're on the road, it's no wonder none of your cases ever have endings." 

"That's not fair!" the agent protested. "I just happened to pass the store. Can we forget about it now? Take this stuff off?" 

"No. It's my birthday and you have to do anything I want." 

"I don't remember that rule," Mulder said suspiciously. He accepted another kiss from his lover absent-mindedly. Walter could tell the restrictive fabric was beginning to prey on his mind. He gave the fringed vest a couple of admiring pats, causing the trimming to brush the shaft of Mulder's cock in a way that made the agent's eyes bug out for a moment. 

"That was interesting," he said breathlessly. Walter tugged gently on the leather chaps and Mulder moaned. "Stop that!" 

Walter snickered and leaned over to fish the lube out of the bedside table. 

"You wouldn't fuck a guy wearing a cowboy hat on his cock, would you?" Mulder asked nervously. 

Walter patted the garment straight. "Sure, why not?" He squirted a generous amount of the lube on his hand and worked a finger into Mulder's ass, stretching the agent carefully.  

Mulder bit back a moan and said bitterly, "When I think of the fuss you made about a pair of rubber boots just a few months ago...." 

"Ancient history, Mulder," Walter told him airily. He smeared the lube on his own cock and inched forward. He leaned forward on his arms and laughed down into Mulder's face. "Ride 'em cowboy." 

"You perverted shit," Mulder mumbled. He tugged on the cuffs and then sagged into the mattress. Walter laughed and slid his cock in easily, Mulder's body automatically relaxing to accept it. 

"Walter, please," Mulder pleaded.  

"What's your problem, Agent Mulder?" 

"Do you have any idea what this is going to feel like?" 

Walter paused to consider the idea. "No. But I'm sure you'll tell me all about it." 

Mulder tried to look apologetic. "It was a joke, Walter. Can't you take a joke?" 

"Don't dish it out if you can't take it," Walter quoted. He rocked his hips slowly, trying to give his lover something more interesting to do than argue for the removal of the unusual 'gift'. 

"Ahhh...." Mulder's legs wrapped around his waist and the agent moved with him for a few seconds.  

Walter, looking down at the other man, couldn't restrain his laughter. "Oh, shit." 

"What?" Mulder's eyes flew open. He saw where Walter was looking and looked at his own cock with reluctance. The combined movements of their bodies was causing Mulder's erect organ to swing erratically. Walter had a vision of a cowboy on a bucking horse and collapsed against his lover's body, laughing helplessly. 

Mulder lay quietly for a second, then Walter felt the reluctant laughter shaking the lean torso. Walter leaned on his arms again and thrust into Mulder's body, watching with amusement as the erect cock between them swung even more wildly. They both began to laugh again and Walter eventually had to close his eyes and concentrate on not letting his erection slide away from his lover's clenching muscles. 

"You'll have to take it off," Mulder managed to say. "Or else, this is going to be a waste of time." 

"Not a chance," Walter insisted. "I wouldn't want to you think I didn't appreciate my present." 

"Walter," Mulder pleaded, "I can't concentrate." 

Walter took a deep breath and braced himself, pulling his cock almost free of Mulder's body, then burying it in the hot flesh in one quick, hard stroke. Mulder cried out wordlessly and Walter repeated the move, then settled in to focus on the important business of fucking his lover into exhaustion before breakfast, one of his favorite pastimes. 

Mulder made one last attempt to recover his own dignity. "Walter," he moaned. "The hat. At least take off the hat." 

"Concentrate," Walter said absently. He twisted his hips and pushed harder and his lover stopped talking about the clothing.

I should ask him what it feels like, he thought, right before they both stopped having coherent thoughts for several minutes.  

Eventually, Mulder cried out, an unusually high-pitched yell, and came explosively, his legs and ass clamping around his lover's body. Walter had to close his eyes, a few more seconds and his own climax spilled out of him into Mulder's familiar heat. 

As usual, Mulder was the first to regain his breath. "That was the weirdest thing I've ever felt." 

"Didn't hurt, did it?" Walter asked incuriously. Mulder hadn't appeared to be in any pain. Not that he remembered, anyhow. 

"Not hurt, exactly." Mulder didn't elaborate. He chuckled tiredly. "What about you, birthday boy?" he teased. "Did you enjoy yourself?" 

"Just barely," Walter admitted. 

"That's not what it looked like from where I was," Mulder said with a grin. 

Walter's lips twitched. "At the end," he confessed, "when you were coming, I wanted to look and see what...." He laughed softly.  

"Pervert," Mulder repeated with satisfaction. 

"I almost started laughing again." 

Mulder snickered. "Don't get me started. How about these cuffs?" 

"Oh, yeah." Walter dug around in the drawer and found the keys, releasing the hand he could reach and giving Mulder the keys to complete the job on his other arm. Walter felt too completely satisfied, and exhausted, to move just yet.  

"Gee, thanks," Mulder reached back over his head and worked on the handcuff lock. "I don't suppose I could talk you into helping me out with the rest of the ensemble?" 

"Maybe later." Walter stretched and moved away from Mulder's chest so the other man could peel off the soaked leather decorations. 

Mulder felt around in bed, and pulled up the barely recognizable remains of the Stetson. "I think I ruined your little hat." He handled the sticky fabric with obvious regret. 

Walter gave him a look. "Then you have to take it to the cleaners to get it re-blocked." 

**** 

The end.